The job hunt has begun.
I am now seeking a pastry assistant/cook position at a restaurant in the area.
It's time to see if what I do can actually work in someone's else kitchen and if, perhaps, it can support me.
This is a difficult decision to make, but a necessary one.
I had the first call, the first interview over this past week for the position which turned out to be parttime and it went well enough to end in the plan of a stage.
Now it's just time to wait and see if it's a fit. On the outside it looks like a truly good outfit to be involved with. On the inside is definitely *always* different.
Filling in the details -- I got the gig at this little place cuz I'm good and I know the owner and it has been fabulous and has paid me very little. My savings are running dry and now it's time to get some work. I'd love to stay here. I want to stay here, but it just can't afford me right now :(
Mostly now, I'm sad at the change that is happening. I'm losing my security blanket and I'm just not sure what comes next. This used to be the kind of fear I could deal with regularly, but now it's just a bit too much to deal with on my own.
To the point that I'm physically feeling the sadness.
Handsome says it's because I wear my feelings a bit on my sleeve (I think the "bit" was a nice prevarication of truth...)
I'm seeing what I'm losing right now much more than what I'm gaining.
Fear -- such a wonderful motivator and driver for some can be paralyzing for me.
Positives -- three resumes, one interview, one stage. Not bad.
Amazing time for me to start the blog.
As a good friend used to say: "It's all good." and even if it's not, you just keep acting like it is until the reality matches your outlook.
Let's see what's next.